I have a feeling one of the concepts that will come up over and over again in this journal is self-discipline… cuz I struggle, lol.

…the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.


I’ve struggled greatly with self-discipline in the last few years. I have moments… sometimes month-long moments… of having great self-discipline, but then I falter.

I’ve chosen January to kick-start my health in this, the year of self. There are several habits I’m tackling this month: regular exercise, abstaining from alcohol, taking a multivitamin daily, and sticking to a sleep schedule. I have a goal to lose 15 pounds. The same 15 pounds I’ve been losing and gaining all. year. long. *rolls eyes*

Many of these are things I’ve done over and over again throughout the year. So why haven’t I maintained the habits? Some are simple to answer… I have no desire to abstain from alcohol for a whole year- so that particular “habit” is always temporary. But regular exercise should really be a year long, life long habit. And a multivitamin and sleep schedule certainly wouldn’t hurt over the long term.

Where is my self discipline!?!

Laziness. Hard pill to swallow. I’ve gotten lazy. I used to work multiple jobs and attend college full time. Some of that was because I had such clear goals which gave my days a certain kind of purpose, and I was simply to busy to be lazy. And with school starting next week, maybe that’s just the thing to make me feel like I’m actually working toward something, anything.

But also lethargy secondary to depression. This year, I found myself severely depressed, briefly. (When I removed the stimulus, the fog lifted pretty swiftly, considering.) Depression zaps your energy… which makes it harder to exercise… despite the evidence that exercise is an effective treatment for depression. Sometimes, getting out of bed is hard enough. So… you’re depressed… but you wanna exercise… how do you motivate yourself? I don’t have all the answers, but these are the things I’m trying:

1. I created a “Why I should exercise” list on my phone. Yours should be specific to you. Stuff that actually motivates you. Mine is short- only 5 important items- and usually works to get me moving:

  • I don’t want to take blood pressure medication
  • I want to give birth out of the hospital, which means
  • I need to lose weight
  • I can’t run from a predator

2. Rewards system: I’m a spa kinda girl. I haven’t had a pedicure, manicure, or eyebrow arching in over a month. And you know what? I won’t hit the spa until I’ve actually accomplished 2 weeks of solid exercise. At 4 weeks? A massage. These are effective motivators for me.

3. Reality Jolt: I have a very… unflattering… semi naked picture of myself lying in bed, saved on my phone. When I look at it, I think, this is what men see before we have sex. Now, I realize it’d be “better” if this didn’t matter to me… but… I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t. Yes, the goal is to love myself right now, as I am. However, right now, I don’t. That’s the honest truth. I do not love the way my body looks right now. I like to wear sexy shit to bed. I like to look and feel sexy when I’m having sex. When I look at the picture, I go get on the elliptical.

Monday is the official start SexyShred which is a great catalyst for my health goals this month. But I’ve already started easing into things.

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4 Responses to Self-discipline

  1. Darrk Gable says:

    The discipline of self is one of the hardest things to maintain. However, having a renewed impetus to stick to it is one of the keys. *Salute* for recommitting to it. I’m doing the same.

  2. Ms Sula says:

    I just wanted to say right on lady. The passage about the half naked picture et the desire to feel sexy is powerful and I am right there with you. I can not wait to cheer you (us) on!

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